I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
