chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
