I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
