i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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