the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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