my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
