Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
