Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
