I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
