After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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