i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
