did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
