this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
