I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
