So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
