Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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