wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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