hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As shirtless as possible
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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