imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
