my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
