she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize