Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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