I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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