i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
