I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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