We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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