is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
