Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
