I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
