last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
