What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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