she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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