i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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