I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.