yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hello my rib-scented angel!