like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.