You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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