I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.