Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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