My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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