everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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