so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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