Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
