I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
