He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
