Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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