its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
