My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
