about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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