Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
