I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
