Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
