So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
