I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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