I am puke
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
