??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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