i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
