I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
