I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize