yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
