This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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