just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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