Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Congratulations! We have a period
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
