Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
