God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
