there was a trapeze. enough said
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
