He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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