you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
